We get looks. I have noticed the way that some people here in Singapore *see* us. When the four of us are together, they look at me, they take a lingering look at Yo, then they look at our two kids. I also get a look when it’s just me and the two girls. Sometimes, there is a look of confusion. Other times, the confusion turns to comprehension. Other times, the look is a smile in approval. Only a few times has it been a look of less than approval. My hypothesis about the looks that we get was confirmed in a short interaction after a set of the looks that we get.

Yo had paid for us ladies at a nail salon and then stepped out to run another errand. The woman at the counter said, “Where are you from?”

Me: “We are from the US.”

Her: “Where is your husband from?”

Me: Tilt my head slightly to the side and blink my eyes, feigning incomprehension.

…

Her: “Is he from Vietnam?”

Me: “No.” (I knew she wanted me to go on, but I didn’t.)

…

Her: “Ah, well, it’s very rare to see an Asian man with a white woman. It’s usually the other way around. We see white man with Asian woman all the time, but never Asian man with white woman. It’s very strange, very rare, to see such a thing.”

Me: “Is that right? … OK … Huh” (I smiled and refrained from saying, “Thank you for stating the obvious and the well documented.”)

It’s not lost on me that others have to deal with *looks* as a regular part of their life, so my reflection on my experiences with these “noticings” is not really groundbreaking. And, it’s only been here that I noticed them. Back home, I’m not in a minority ethnic group, while I am a minority here. Back home, we interact less with strangers. We have our groups of friends and they know us. Back home, it’s not uncommon for a white woman to be caring for/travelling with young children. Here, the babysitters/helpers/”aunties” are only brown. So, when people see a white woman with two brown children, they get confused and it shows. Even Lulu’s classmates couldn’t believe that I was her mother when I dropped her off at school. “Was that your grandma?” she reported that they asked. (I know that I am an older mom, but I am I that old???)

None of this truly bothers me. It was only worth a blog post because the looks are so prevalent, not because they inhibit me in anyway. I know that for others, the sense of ‘other-ness’ is much stronger and can hinder their progress. I look forward to a time when no one has to experience the stares that imply otherness.